The Epiphany

I think I struck epiphany today (again lol).

I was sunken in unrecoverable (pun intended) self-pity when walking alone back from Botak Jones at Bukit Batok to MI for Mdm Lee's lesson, that I feel enough of these emo crap, and get hold of my life. Guys hide their emotions, it's a given, guys are too egoistical to ever publicly show their emotions (except for Jon of course, who weep because he only got a B for Mathematics argh). The point is, I spent excessive time trying to please people, trying to appease people, that I lost track of how contented I should be with my life.

As a lone spectator, I witness many events that I can share my unbiased viewpoints. Of course, I wouldn't, to prevent myself from offending anyone unnecessarily. I therefore gets agitated easily when my expectations are not met, or I feel alienated for whatever reasons. The reason for my extreme sorrows today was a result of peer pressure and the acute lack of self-delusion. I should be satisfied with my current state of life, and be instrumental to bring about happiness and joy to the people immediate to my life.

This is when I felt that I have been too angry most of the time. Too irrational to be of consoling to people that truly needed my assistance. I have been very authoritative, because deep down, I always delude myself that my way is the best, and when I enter Millennia Institute, I told myself to not ever repeat that mistake. Perhaps that is also why I find myself more attached to MI than any other institutions I was with. But what's worst, I never appreciated the fact that people immediate to me, at times, require my counselling.

I realised this mistake only now that, my sister, currently a secondary school student, need my affirmation more than anyone. Cos as brother, I have the moral obligation to counsel her in life, and to provide my assistance in my experience in academic life. Who is more fit than that? Definitely not my parents who are educated under the Dutch system, who are clueless about how the local system works.

So today I awaken to this calling: Stop being agitated and dismiss everything on the spot, rather, seek to understand why such an occurrence, and focus to resolve it.